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Reflecting on “Rocking” Past Lives

Among my dance creations, meditation practices and karmic astrology readings, I came to the conclusion that I was a musician in a past live.  I can see myself wearing a black tuxedo, warming up my fingers and caressing my instrument very tenderly. 

I see myself sitting across my piano.  I sense so clearly my affective obsession.  My problem then was that I was something of a perfectionist and that still might have followed me to this present life time.  I was so demanding and self critical that I started forgetting my life’s passion.

Whether this vision was true or not, it always reminds me of the strong connection I have to music.  Two years ago in a beginning of the year reading, the symbol of a violin came up.  Almost a year later I found out that my grandfather was a musician and that he used to play the violin.  The way in which my grandmother was telling this story made me realize what it all meant.  At this time it all made sense.  

Certain music had touched my soul in ways that I didn’t know was possible and I knew then they were calling me to something greater.  Maybe they were reminding me of something I was before or something I needed to be in the future.  My moon in Piscis or my passion for dance gave me some clues, but my vision and my grandfather’s story finally completed the puzzle.  I was meant to create music, but in the only way I knew how.  I wasn’t blessed with the talent of playing a musical instrument in this life time or with a melodic voice, but I can certainly feel and fulfill a rhythm with my hips and feet movement.

The interaction of dancer and sound is so amazing.  At certain moments the dancer leads and at others it is only an additional instrument.  No matter who leads, the communication between the two drives all witnesses and participants to a state of ecstasy.

I went through a period in which I believed I was in love with musicians.  Actually a lot of the guys I had previously attracted to my life were musicians of some sort.  Dearest to my heart are a guitar player and a singer that without knowing they showed me a different way to live life.  Their passion for music was and is so great, that they inspired me to follow my dream to create rhythm with my best instrument – my feet.        

Unfortunately because then I didn’t entirely understand why I was attracted to their energy, I lost myself in the process.  I became so insecure when I was with them because I didn’t know how to match their passion.  Actually, I looked up to them so much that I was afraid I might disappoint them.  I didn’t see them as human beings.  I saw them as representations of my soul.  Many times I thought I was in love with them, but I was only in love with my fantasies.  Although I cared for them tremendously, I understood I had to let them go. 

Several months ago I found a picture of Robert Plant when he was very young.  I had set it as the default image on my computer’s screen.  I was staring at it for a while (I love that picture because it reminds me of my singer ”friend”.)  The more I looked at it the more I realized that the reason I loved listening to Robert Plant’s voice, or my friends sing or play the guitar was because I saw myself in them.  I wanted to sing with as much passion as Robert Plant did (I’ve always said that he sounds like he is having an orgasm in each of his songs).  The singer was in such a high spiritual and psychological wavelength and the guitar player made love to his guitar every time he performed.  That was the ecstasy I was craving for.  I didn’t to want to be “with” them, I wanted to “be” them. 

Every time I think of this, I am taken back to my past live vision.  Perhaps I was a pianist, a young hippie with long hair, or a musician of some sort.  Something that I do know for sure is that I am meant to create my own rhythms and live my life with everlasting passion.  I don’t need to look outside for something that I’ve always had. 

Maybe this time I didn’t need to get the Rockers, either.

 

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